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LINKS
HOT LINKS     |
07/05/2020
This true story is really for women. I say this because only a woman can understand it. And not just any woman. Older women like myself. I write this to remind me of the unforgettable moments I had and to really find out if other women feel the same way as me. Now this happened about forty years ago. I write about it in these times where women are in the news for doing things, mainly teachers, and they are being vilified for their actions. I hope this is not too long. I am no writer but I tried to be as detailed as possible in describing everything.
It happened when I was still working in the medical field. I was a nurses aid at the time. I was also studying to become a certified nurse. It was summer in New York. Anyone who knows New York in summer, knows how hot and humid it gets. I had finished my shift(6:00 AM-2:00 PM) and I went to visit my friend Nina. I liked going to her apartment. It was much better than mine. She was slightly older than me and she had helped me through some personal issues. Nina was a social worker. When I stopped by her apartment, there was a young man there. He was so cute. She introduced me to him.
His name was Daryl. He was this lean, curly headed guy with beautiful hazel eyes. His smile was contagious. Daryl was Nina's nephew visiting for about a week. Nina's husband worked overseas in the Middle east somewhere. He was never around since he worked out of the country. He must have made good money considering the type of apartment for he and Nina. Daryl was the only male I had really ever known through Nina. Daryl was visiting from California. He spoke so different from us New Yorkers. He was so different from us too. Well, it was California, right? But there was something about him. His youth. That part of me that wanted to go back in time. To feel young. To be young. And I wasn't old, by any stretch of the imagination. But Daryl had that youth that I wanted in me. This was a lonely time for me. Who am I kidding? I feel alone so often. And here was this young man smiling and talking to me. It had an immediate impact on me.
Nina had to take a phone call so I had a few minutes talking to him. He told me how much he enjoyed walking around exploring Greenwich Village and how the mix of people in public fascinated him. With the young, old, rich, poor, artistic, business, ethnic, religious and non-religious all blended in the streets. I remember him saying that the energy in New York City hits you all at once with little time to digest it. Whereas in California, the energy is spread out and you have to go and find it. All I remember is wanting to know more about him.
When Nina finished her phone call, I told her that I needed to go to the store. I asked if Daryl could go with me and I invited him right there in front of her. I could show him the neighborhood. She said yeah, no problem.
Walking toward the store, I couldn't resist my attraction to Daryl. Here was this tall, handsome guy walking with me and I was short and a little chubby, I think. I did have my hips and curves still. And Daryl was so nice, so affable. Full of sunshine. He talked so confidently and I just had to take my chance.
See, I hadn't been with a man for quite some time. My previous boyfriend, if you can call it that, was out of the picture. It was a nasty breakup. He was an abusive man. Anyhow, that was what Nina had been helping me with. That and issues surrounding my relationship with men.
So, I said to Daryl, "I have to stop by my apartment real quick. Is that Ok?"
He said sure. So, he followed me to my apartment and I made the excuse that I needed to pick something up. My apartment back then was very simple. Studio apartment. No bedroom. Just a pull out sofa on a less than ideal carpeted floor. The kind that absorbed smells like Arroz Gandules or some other PR dish. I didn't have much of anything to decorate it. I also wasn’t making a lot of money back then. I had a stand up divider that I had put a few cut outs of cartoons that I liked.
I headed to the bathroom. I really didn’t need to pee. I just wanted to freshen up. A little mouth wash. Wipe down a little. I wanted to be ready for any potential action. At least that what I was hoping. I don’t know what I was thinking. What was I expecting to happen right then and there? I figured that he would get the hint. Heck, I just met him and brought him to my apartment.
Daryl stayed by the front door in front of the stand up divider. He was still staring at the cut out cartoons there when I came out of the bathroom. I wonder which cartoon he was looking at. I remember having a cartoon illustration of a potted cactus plant. The cactus with all of their thorns were actually penises growing in the pot. I always liked that one. Penis like cactus. That was my experience with men anyway.
I asked if Daryl needed to use the bathroom and he didn’t but he saw my television and the HBO box. This guy lit up like a Christmas tree.
"You have cable?" He asked. "In California, we don't have that yet."
His innocence was magnetic. I pounced,"Would you like to watch TV?”, I asked.
He hesitated and said,"Uh, sure."
"Ok, I said. I wanted him to start watching TV right that minute. I didn't want him to leave. But, I had to wait. I had a store to visit and had to get back to Nina’s soon. “Be sure to ask your aunt if it's ok for you to come by here tonight to watch TV.Ok?” So, we left. We walked down the street back towards Nina's house.
Daryl asked, "You're not going to the store?"
I said, "No. I just realized that I have what I need."
And what I needed wasn't at the store. Daryl had the something that I needed.
Walking back towards his Aunt's, I asked, "So, you probably have lots of girlfriends back home in California, right?"
"No. No girlfriend at all", he said.
He even said that I probably had lots of boyfriends too. I replied no and he said that it would make sense since I was cute with my long black hair. He called me cute! His wonderful smile all the way. Here I was in my medical scrubs, 5’ 0’, chubby big butt and all. What did he find cute about me? My face, my long black hair, my body? I was no runway model, that's for sure.
I had big breasts. Maybe that's what he liked. And being so short, big breasts look bigger. My hair down to my butt easily since I was so short. I don’t know. He was young. That's for sure. But how young?
I asked,"So, you're like eighteen. Right?"
With no hesitation he said,"yeah."
So, here I was, this thirty-three year old woman walking with this young man down the street. It was refreshing to imagine what could be. The long hours between work and classes didn’t allow for much of a social life. So, I was going home every night alone. Watching TV alone. Eating alone. For women, I was moving closer toward that proverbial ticking biological clock, which for me, had clicked loud given my fertility issue at the time. But I was far more consumed with the barren feeling of heartache, longing for the love of a good man. I remember wishing Daryl would hold my hand. I needed that. Women understand this. Being alone and lonely is horrible. I craved for companionship. For affection. For touch. And so much more.
My personal issues that Nina was helping me through were difficult and the deviant nature that I lived with could not be contained.
We got back to Nina's place and I began talking with Nina while Daryl disappeared. It was a while before Nina got another phone call. I looked for Daryl and he was in the kitchen.
I said to him in a very low voice," Daryl, when are you going to ask your aunt about watching TV at my apartment tonight?"
He started shivering. Physically shaking. He was turning red. Like he was afraid. What was happening? Without noticing, Nina had come into the kitchen and saw us. She asked what was going on?
I said," Daryl was going to ask you if it's ok if he can watch cable tv at my place tonight."
Nina asked Daryl if that was the case. Daryl started stuttering. He couldn't speak. He was shaking. Nina was furious at me.
She grabbed me by the arm and led me out saying, " How dare you. That's my nephew. What are you thinking?"
I protested in vain and like that I was kicked out of her apartment. I was embarrassed. I was confused. What had just happened? I went home with ideas stewing in my mind. Then I was angry. What had I done wrong? Nothing. I must be missing something here.
I was so focused on the incident that I couldn't eat that night. More frustrating was the idea that I wouldn't have a chance with Daryl. Instead of fantasizing about what could have been, I went to sleep without the nightly touching and pleasure I gave myself.
My imagination was my only escape from my troubled life. Nina had ruined the possibilities. I really was upset.
Next day, I worked my shift carrying around resentment. I was stressed and on my way back home in another sweltering day. I was irritable. I hadn’t felt it like this in some time. The kind that inflames. I think it affected me physically or maybe it was just my medical scrub pants riding up my crotch.
At any rate, I came home from my shift and I wasn’t in my apartment for more than fifteen minutes when there's a knock on the door. I open it and it's Daryl! My mind starts to run wild. What the hell is going on?
"I'm sorry for what happened yesterday Carola. I really am. Please forgive me. My aunt is just trying to protect me I guess," Daryl says.
He was wide eyed. Not relaxed at all. I was about to freak out. I literally grabbed his arm and yanked him into my apartment and closed the door.
"Listen Daryl, I can't have any problems with your aunt. Does she know you're here right now?"
"No. I walk to the Village everyday to check things out and usually don't go back to my aunt's for like four hours. She doesn't know where I am. I'm not going to tell her. My aunt is in and out all of the time and I have a key. I come back whenever I want, usually for dinner. Could be 5:00 or later if I want.,”he says.
I didn’t know what to believe. Why was Nina so over protective of him? The possibility that Nina had her nephew around for more than just an innocent visit crept into my mind. It’s not unheard of. Maybe I was just projecting. For the way she treated me the previous day, I felt a bit like denying her time with Daryl. Payback sort of.
I interrogated him with, “When she kicked me out yesterday, what did you tell her about our walk to the store?”
Daryl confessed that Nina didn’t ask about the walk. She didn’t know about our quick stop at my apartment at all. All she was doing was warning Daryl how careful he should be with someone like me. Daryl said all he could do was listen to her warnings. She had walked away shaking her head about how she couldn’t believe my actions.
Nina was only focused on me. Details were irrelevant. I invited him by to watch television was all she cared about. Nina had never been to my apartment, even though it was only two blocks away. She could find out where I live if she had wanted to.
After talking a bit more with Daryl, I was convinced that she was completely unaware of where he was right then. A sigh of relief comes over me. But now a different sensation begins. I felt an irritation.
Like I've mentioned earlier, it’s summer in New York. I always have my fan on in my tiny place. And I'm beginning to perspire. And it probably was not just the weather.
I asked Daryl if he was thirsty and wanted something to drink. Our conversation was quick. I told him I usually come home from work, take a shower, eat, take an afternoon siesta. Is he going to leave now? He's more than welcome to stay and watch TV.
Yes! That does it. That's what animates this guy. Cable TV. Go figure. I think Grease was on HBO non stop everyday.
So, I said, " Daryl, I'm going to shower now. You're more than welcome to sit on the sofa and watch TV. If you want to leave. Tell me now."
He goes, "Uh. Ok." Nervous like.
I purposely leave the bathroom door open and tell him that it is open because of the steam. I'm doing everything possible to get him to follow me into the bathroom. With all of the steam, he wouldn’t get a clear view of my entire body anyhow. He doesn't budge. Just on the couch.
Without thinking, I took my afternoon nap clothes and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I gazed at my hairbrush handle and the mop and broom endings in my bathroom and started to feel pathetic. I also confess I had a preference for certain vegetables like cucumbers and zucchini that I did not buy at the store the previous day.
I was trying to wash as quickly as possible. But, I was thinking about my body image. My mid section was soft. I had never been the athletic type. The faster that things progressed, the sooner men would overlook these things. I had dimples in my thighs and buttocks area. I had a tiny bit of cellulite. I thought it be a turnoff for him.
My previous partner would use my body and humiliate me at the same time. He used to joke about it. That never stopped him from sexually having his way with me but it did make me feel less. Especially when he would call me ‘stumpy legs.’
I put my hair up. Too much to wash it now. I was imagining that Daryl was lathering me up. Caressing my breasts with soap. All over. That excited me. I shampooed my over grown mound in anticipation. I had to contain myself. I dry off and I'm already beginning to sweat again. New York summers. I put on my underwear and bra and was about to get dressed.
What to wear? I really didn’t bring anything to the bathroom. I was so use to the medical scrubs for work. They hid my imperfections. But I had to give it another go with trying to get Daryl's attention.
I put on the extra large mens t-shirt that I wore for bedtime. With my short frame, it covered me enough so that hopefully, Daryl would only see the outline of my figure. Like I said before, I did still have my hips and curves.
I exited the bathroom and headed straight to the oscillating fan and bent over with my back towards Daryl and the sofa. I was cooling off in the the front hoping that he was watching me from behind. I couldn't have been more obvious. Nothing from Daryl. Silence. He's watching TV.
I head over to the couch and say," Excuse me Daryl, can you stand up please?"
He does and I open up the sofa and pull out the clanky, springy mattress. I straightened the sheets inside, grabbed a pillow and plopped down. He was still standing. What happened to the confident young man from yesterday's walk? I told him that he could lie down on the bed. He was more than welcome to continue watching TV as I was going to nap.
He slowly lowered himself down on my bed. My heart was racing. I pretended to be normal. I told him to take his shoes off. He did. He resumed watching TV. I must force the action it seemed.
I flipped my body to the other end of the bed to ‘look’ for the remote that was under the TV. My head was over the far end of the bed with my T-Shirt backside fully exposed to Daryl. I felt my shirt ride up my body exposing more of me. If he looked, there's no way he didn’t see my underwear. I wanted him to. Hopefully, my cellulite wasn’t too obvious and he was turned on enough to overlook it.
I asked, while pretending to get the remote, " See anything you like?"
I got back up to the bed and lied down facing the TV again. "Anything you see you like on TV?"
"Uh, yeah,” he said.
He was not at ease. He was blushing. His skin was shiny, probably from the heat and humidity.
"It doesn't get humid in California,” he said.
He began to talk about California weather. He was making small talk, I guess. So, I played along. I was impatient. I moved closer to him. We were lying next to each other and he was not making a pass at me. I thought,”What a gentleman."
I noticed that he was shivering. It was hot and humid and he was shivering. Just like the day before in his aunt's kitchen.
I asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah,” he said
He was not okay. He was stiff, uncomfortable, and shaking nervously.
I said, “You're shaking."
This was foolish. That only made him more nervous.
"Do I make you nervous?,” I asked.
"Uh, a little,” he said.
"There's nothing to be nervous about with me. I don't bite," I provoked.
He laughed. I moved closer and I purposely had my arm and leg literally touching his arm and leg side by side. He did nothing. I moved closer and put my head on his shoulder. I now hear his heart. It is pounding. He is breathing quickly.
I placed my hand on his chest.
"Shhhh. shhhh,” I said.
He said nothing. After a pause, I told him in a soft voice that I thought I knew the reason why he was nervous. He insisted that he was not nervous.
“It's okay," I said.
I moved my hand down below his chest. My hand was on his stomach. I was rubbing his belly, almost trying to calm him. He impulsively grabbed my hand because I was moving my hand lower toward his pants button. There was a moment of uncertainty. Was he stopping me? The moment passes quickly.
His hand was on mine being dragged as I slowly moved my hand lower. He allowed me to do this. In that moment, however, the guided hand imposed its will further down. My hand was on his pants button. I began undoing his button.
He was palpitating. His breathing was becoming erratic. I began unzipping his zipper. He was inert. Paralyzed. All the while, I had been eyeing the bulge in his pants. He had an erection that had popped the head of his penis out and above the top of his underwear.
I had to touch it. I was so eager. Like a child opening a present. Ripping off the wrapping anxiously to see what's inside. My hand over his underwear, I was touching his penis. It was so hard. It was so hot.
He was still shaking. My hand began to cup his penis and rub it over his underwear. This was not enough for me. I wanted to see it all. I wanted to grip it all. I wanted to feel the blood pumping through his erection.
I slid my hand past his underwear and I touched his penis. My hand. My flesh was on his flesh. My palm was rubbing his hot, hard penis. I began to grip it to stroke it more.
Suddenly, I felt his penis pulse. He grabbed my hand to remove it. He didn’t get there in time. He was ejaculating.
He rushed up. Impulsively. He gasped. He immediately rolled off sitting on the side of the bed awkwardly not to get semen on my bed, I think. These actions were too abrupt for me. He was now sitting on the edge of my bed with his head down. He was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for him.
I said, "Are you okay?”
He grumbled something I didn’t understand. There was an awkward silence. I hate awkward silence.
In my haste I said, "I'm not a teenage girl so I can understand why it happened so fast."
This was stupid to say. He was clearly ashamed. I don't know why I said it. I almost felt empowered. Always being the controlled, oppressed one in my relations with men. This felt better. At least for the moment. I didn't want to humiliate him any further but I inadvertently persisted.
“I guess California girls like it fast."
Oh God. What did I just say? He got up and paced the room.
"I, I, I need to clean up," he says.
I stood up and followed him toward the kitchen sink.
“First time for everything, okay?," he admitted .
I think, first time getting a hand job?
Oh wow. I told him that I had assumed he had been with many women was the reason I was surprised. He didn’t reply. It was dawning on me that something was not right. How can an eighteen year old guy be this inexperienced?
And then it hits me. "Daryl, how old did you say you were?"
"I didn't," he says.
"You're eighteen, right?,” I ask.
"Nope," he says.
I ask, "Then how old are you?”…
“Fifteen," he replies.
FIFTEEN!
Oh my God! I flipped out. I began to brow beat him then with why didn't he say something? If his aunt finds out, I’d be screwed. I already had a file. That would have been disastrous. It could have affected my employment. I was focused on the consequences for me. His age was only a trigger for that.
I was less concerned about his age than what would happen to me. Trust me, this boy did not look fifteen. He was still experiencing puberty…This. This is what my mind went to. The forbidden fruit. My appetite spiked.
It happened when I was still working in the medical field. I was a nurses aid at the time. I was also studying to become a certified nurse. It was summer in New York. Anyone who knows New York in summer, knows how hot and humid it gets. I had finished my shift(6:00 AM-2:00 PM) and I went to visit my friend Nina. I liked going to her apartment. It was much better than mine. She was slightly older than me and she had helped me through some personal issues. Nina was a social worker. When I stopped by her apartment, there was a young man there. He was so cute. She introduced me to him.
His name was Daryl. He was this lean, curly headed guy with beautiful hazel eyes. His smile was contagious. Daryl was Nina's nephew visiting for about a week. Nina's husband worked overseas in the Middle east somewhere. He was never around since he worked out of the country. He must have made good money considering the type of apartment for he and Nina. Daryl was the only male I had really ever known through Nina. Daryl was visiting from California. He spoke so different from us New Yorkers. He was so different from us too. Well, it was California, right? But there was something about him. His youth. That part of me that wanted to go back in time. To feel young. To be young. And I wasn't old, by any stretch of the imagination. But Daryl had that youth that I wanted in me. This was a lonely time for me. Who am I kidding? I feel alone so often. And here was this young man smiling and talking to me. It had an immediate impact on me.
Nina had to take a phone call so I had a few minutes talking to him. He told me how much he enjoyed walking around exploring Greenwich Village and how the mix of people in public fascinated him. With the young, old, rich, poor, artistic, business, ethnic, religious and non-religious all blended in the streets. I remember him saying that the energy in New York City hits you all at once with little time to digest it. Whereas in California, the energy is spread out and you have to go and find it. All I remember is wanting to know more about him.
When Nina finished her phone call, I told her that I needed to go to the store. I asked if Daryl could go with me and I invited him right there in front of her. I could show him the neighborhood. She said yeah, no problem.
Walking toward the store, I couldn't resist my attraction to Daryl. Here was this tall, handsome guy walking with me and I was short and a little chubby, I think. I did have my hips and curves still. And Daryl was so nice, so affable. Full of sunshine. He talked so confidently and I just had to take my chance.
See, I hadn't been with a man for quite some time. My previous boyfriend, if you can call it that, was out of the picture. It was a nasty breakup. He was an abusive man. Anyhow, that was what Nina had been helping me with. That and issues surrounding my relationship with men.
So, I said to Daryl, "I have to stop by my apartment real quick. Is that Ok?"
He said sure. So, he followed me to my apartment and I made the excuse that I needed to pick something up. My apartment back then was very simple. Studio apartment. No bedroom. Just a pull out sofa on a less than ideal carpeted floor. The kind that absorbed smells like Arroz Gandules or some other PR dish. I didn't have much of anything to decorate it. I also wasn’t making a lot of money back then. I had a stand up divider that I had put a few cut outs of cartoons that I liked.
I headed to the bathroom. I really didn’t need to pee. I just wanted to freshen up. A little mouth wash. Wipe down a little. I wanted to be ready for any potential action. At least that what I was hoping. I don’t know what I was thinking. What was I expecting to happen right then and there? I figured that he would get the hint. Heck, I just met him and brought him to my apartment.
Daryl stayed by the front door in front of the stand up divider. He was still staring at the cut out cartoons there when I came out of the bathroom. I wonder which cartoon he was looking at. I remember having a cartoon illustration of a potted cactus plant. The cactus with all of their thorns were actually penises growing in the pot. I always liked that one. Penis like cactus. That was my experience with men anyway.
I asked if Daryl needed to use the bathroom and he didn’t but he saw my television and the HBO box. This guy lit up like a Christmas tree.
"You have cable?" He asked. "In California, we don't have that yet."
His innocence was magnetic. I pounced,"Would you like to watch TV?”, I asked.
He hesitated and said,"Uh, sure."
"Ok, I said. I wanted him to start watching TV right that minute. I didn't want him to leave. But, I had to wait. I had a store to visit and had to get back to Nina’s soon. “Be sure to ask your aunt if it's ok for you to come by here tonight to watch TV.Ok?” So, we left. We walked down the street back towards Nina's house.
Daryl asked, "You're not going to the store?"
I said, "No. I just realized that I have what I need."
And what I needed wasn't at the store. Daryl had the something that I needed.
Walking back towards his Aunt's, I asked, "So, you probably have lots of girlfriends back home in California, right?"
"No. No girlfriend at all", he said.
He even said that I probably had lots of boyfriends too. I replied no and he said that it would make sense since I was cute with my long black hair. He called me cute! His wonderful smile all the way. Here I was in my medical scrubs, 5’ 0’, chubby big butt and all. What did he find cute about me? My face, my long black hair, my body? I was no runway model, that's for sure.
I had big breasts. Maybe that's what he liked. And being so short, big breasts look bigger. My hair down to my butt easily since I was so short. I don’t know. He was young. That's for sure. But how young?
I asked,"So, you're like eighteen. Right?"
With no hesitation he said,"yeah."
So, here I was, this thirty-three year old woman walking with this young man down the street. It was refreshing to imagine what could be. The long hours between work and classes didn’t allow for much of a social life. So, I was going home every night alone. Watching TV alone. Eating alone. For women, I was moving closer toward that proverbial ticking biological clock, which for me, had clicked loud given my fertility issue at the time. But I was far more consumed with the barren feeling of heartache, longing for the love of a good man. I remember wishing Daryl would hold my hand. I needed that. Women understand this. Being alone and lonely is horrible. I craved for companionship. For affection. For touch. And so much more.
My personal issues that Nina was helping me through were difficult and the deviant nature that I lived with could not be contained.
We got back to Nina's place and I began talking with Nina while Daryl disappeared. It was a while before Nina got another phone call. I looked for Daryl and he was in the kitchen.
I said to him in a very low voice," Daryl, when are you going to ask your aunt about watching TV at my apartment tonight?"
He started shivering. Physically shaking. He was turning red. Like he was afraid. What was happening? Without noticing, Nina had come into the kitchen and saw us. She asked what was going on?
I said," Daryl was going to ask you if it's ok if he can watch cable tv at my place tonight."
Nina asked Daryl if that was the case. Daryl started stuttering. He couldn't speak. He was shaking. Nina was furious at me.
She grabbed me by the arm and led me out saying, " How dare you. That's my nephew. What are you thinking?"
I protested in vain and like that I was kicked out of her apartment. I was embarrassed. I was confused. What had just happened? I went home with ideas stewing in my mind. Then I was angry. What had I done wrong? Nothing. I must be missing something here.
I was so focused on the incident that I couldn't eat that night. More frustrating was the idea that I wouldn't have a chance with Daryl. Instead of fantasizing about what could have been, I went to sleep without the nightly touching and pleasure I gave myself.
My imagination was my only escape from my troubled life. Nina had ruined the possibilities. I really was upset.
Next day, I worked my shift carrying around resentment. I was stressed and on my way back home in another sweltering day. I was irritable. I hadn’t felt it like this in some time. The kind that inflames. I think it affected me physically or maybe it was just my medical scrub pants riding up my crotch.
At any rate, I came home from my shift and I wasn’t in my apartment for more than fifteen minutes when there's a knock on the door. I open it and it's Daryl! My mind starts to run wild. What the hell is going on?
"I'm sorry for what happened yesterday Carola. I really am. Please forgive me. My aunt is just trying to protect me I guess," Daryl says.
He was wide eyed. Not relaxed at all. I was about to freak out. I literally grabbed his arm and yanked him into my apartment and closed the door.
"Listen Daryl, I can't have any problems with your aunt. Does she know you're here right now?"
"No. I walk to the Village everyday to check things out and usually don't go back to my aunt's for like four hours. She doesn't know where I am. I'm not going to tell her. My aunt is in and out all of the time and I have a key. I come back whenever I want, usually for dinner. Could be 5:00 or later if I want.,”he says.
I didn’t know what to believe. Why was Nina so over protective of him? The possibility that Nina had her nephew around for more than just an innocent visit crept into my mind. It’s not unheard of. Maybe I was just projecting. For the way she treated me the previous day, I felt a bit like denying her time with Daryl. Payback sort of.
I interrogated him with, “When she kicked me out yesterday, what did you tell her about our walk to the store?”
Daryl confessed that Nina didn’t ask about the walk. She didn’t know about our quick stop at my apartment at all. All she was doing was warning Daryl how careful he should be with someone like me. Daryl said all he could do was listen to her warnings. She had walked away shaking her head about how she couldn’t believe my actions.
Nina was only focused on me. Details were irrelevant. I invited him by to watch television was all she cared about. Nina had never been to my apartment, even though it was only two blocks away. She could find out where I live if she had wanted to.
After talking a bit more with Daryl, I was convinced that she was completely unaware of where he was right then. A sigh of relief comes over me. But now a different sensation begins. I felt an irritation.
Like I've mentioned earlier, it’s summer in New York. I always have my fan on in my tiny place. And I'm beginning to perspire. And it probably was not just the weather.
I asked Daryl if he was thirsty and wanted something to drink. Our conversation was quick. I told him I usually come home from work, take a shower, eat, take an afternoon siesta. Is he going to leave now? He's more than welcome to stay and watch TV.
Yes! That does it. That's what animates this guy. Cable TV. Go figure. I think Grease was on HBO non stop everyday.
So, I said, " Daryl, I'm going to shower now. You're more than welcome to sit on the sofa and watch TV. If you want to leave. Tell me now."
He goes, "Uh. Ok." Nervous like.
I purposely leave the bathroom door open and tell him that it is open because of the steam. I'm doing everything possible to get him to follow me into the bathroom. With all of the steam, he wouldn’t get a clear view of my entire body anyhow. He doesn't budge. Just on the couch.
Without thinking, I took my afternoon nap clothes and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I gazed at my hairbrush handle and the mop and broom endings in my bathroom and started to feel pathetic. I also confess I had a preference for certain vegetables like cucumbers and zucchini that I did not buy at the store the previous day.
I was trying to wash as quickly as possible. But, I was thinking about my body image. My mid section was soft. I had never been the athletic type. The faster that things progressed, the sooner men would overlook these things. I had dimples in my thighs and buttocks area. I had a tiny bit of cellulite. I thought it be a turnoff for him.
My previous partner would use my body and humiliate me at the same time. He used to joke about it. That never stopped him from sexually having his way with me but it did make me feel less. Especially when he would call me ‘stumpy legs.’
I put my hair up. Too much to wash it now. I was imagining that Daryl was lathering me up. Caressing my breasts with soap. All over. That excited me. I shampooed my over grown mound in anticipation. I had to contain myself. I dry off and I'm already beginning to sweat again. New York summers. I put on my underwear and bra and was about to get dressed.
What to wear? I really didn’t bring anything to the bathroom. I was so use to the medical scrubs for work. They hid my imperfections. But I had to give it another go with trying to get Daryl's attention.
I put on the extra large mens t-shirt that I wore for bedtime. With my short frame, it covered me enough so that hopefully, Daryl would only see the outline of my figure. Like I said before, I did still have my hips and curves.
I exited the bathroom and headed straight to the oscillating fan and bent over with my back towards Daryl and the sofa. I was cooling off in the the front hoping that he was watching me from behind. I couldn't have been more obvious. Nothing from Daryl. Silence. He's watching TV.
I head over to the couch and say," Excuse me Daryl, can you stand up please?"
He does and I open up the sofa and pull out the clanky, springy mattress. I straightened the sheets inside, grabbed a pillow and plopped down. He was still standing. What happened to the confident young man from yesterday's walk? I told him that he could lie down on the bed. He was more than welcome to continue watching TV as I was going to nap.
He slowly lowered himself down on my bed. My heart was racing. I pretended to be normal. I told him to take his shoes off. He did. He resumed watching TV. I must force the action it seemed.
I flipped my body to the other end of the bed to ‘look’ for the remote that was under the TV. My head was over the far end of the bed with my T-Shirt backside fully exposed to Daryl. I felt my shirt ride up my body exposing more of me. If he looked, there's no way he didn’t see my underwear. I wanted him to. Hopefully, my cellulite wasn’t too obvious and he was turned on enough to overlook it.
I asked, while pretending to get the remote, " See anything you like?"
I got back up to the bed and lied down facing the TV again. "Anything you see you like on TV?"
"Uh, yeah,” he said.
He was not at ease. He was blushing. His skin was shiny, probably from the heat and humidity.
"It doesn't get humid in California,” he said.
He began to talk about California weather. He was making small talk, I guess. So, I played along. I was impatient. I moved closer to him. We were lying next to each other and he was not making a pass at me. I thought,”What a gentleman."
I noticed that he was shivering. It was hot and humid and he was shivering. Just like the day before in his aunt's kitchen.
I asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah,” he said
He was not okay. He was stiff, uncomfortable, and shaking nervously.
I said, “You're shaking."
This was foolish. That only made him more nervous.
"Do I make you nervous?,” I asked.
"Uh, a little,” he said.
"There's nothing to be nervous about with me. I don't bite," I provoked.
He laughed. I moved closer and I purposely had my arm and leg literally touching his arm and leg side by side. He did nothing. I moved closer and put my head on his shoulder. I now hear his heart. It is pounding. He is breathing quickly.
I placed my hand on his chest.
"Shhhh. shhhh,” I said.
He said nothing. After a pause, I told him in a soft voice that I thought I knew the reason why he was nervous. He insisted that he was not nervous.
“It's okay," I said.
I moved my hand down below his chest. My hand was on his stomach. I was rubbing his belly, almost trying to calm him. He impulsively grabbed my hand because I was moving my hand lower toward his pants button. There was a moment of uncertainty. Was he stopping me? The moment passes quickly.
His hand was on mine being dragged as I slowly moved my hand lower. He allowed me to do this. In that moment, however, the guided hand imposed its will further down. My hand was on his pants button. I began undoing his button.
He was palpitating. His breathing was becoming erratic. I began unzipping his zipper. He was inert. Paralyzed. All the while, I had been eyeing the bulge in his pants. He had an erection that had popped the head of his penis out and above the top of his underwear.
I had to touch it. I was so eager. Like a child opening a present. Ripping off the wrapping anxiously to see what's inside. My hand over his underwear, I was touching his penis. It was so hard. It was so hot.
He was still shaking. My hand began to cup his penis and rub it over his underwear. This was not enough for me. I wanted to see it all. I wanted to grip it all. I wanted to feel the blood pumping through his erection.
I slid my hand past his underwear and I touched his penis. My hand. My flesh was on his flesh. My palm was rubbing his hot, hard penis. I began to grip it to stroke it more.
Suddenly, I felt his penis pulse. He grabbed my hand to remove it. He didn’t get there in time. He was ejaculating.
He rushed up. Impulsively. He gasped. He immediately rolled off sitting on the side of the bed awkwardly not to get semen on my bed, I think. These actions were too abrupt for me. He was now sitting on the edge of my bed with his head down. He was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for him.
I said, "Are you okay?”
He grumbled something I didn’t understand. There was an awkward silence. I hate awkward silence.
In my haste I said, "I'm not a teenage girl so I can understand why it happened so fast."
This was stupid to say. He was clearly ashamed. I don't know why I said it. I almost felt empowered. Always being the controlled, oppressed one in my relations with men. This felt better. At least for the moment. I didn't want to humiliate him any further but I inadvertently persisted.
“I guess California girls like it fast."
Oh God. What did I just say? He got up and paced the room.
"I, I, I need to clean up," he says.
I stood up and followed him toward the kitchen sink.
“First time for everything, okay?," he admitted .
I think, first time getting a hand job?
Oh wow. I told him that I had assumed he had been with many women was the reason I was surprised. He didn’t reply. It was dawning on me that something was not right. How can an eighteen year old guy be this inexperienced?
And then it hits me. "Daryl, how old did you say you were?"
"I didn't," he says.
"You're eighteen, right?,” I ask.
"Nope," he says.
I ask, "Then how old are you?”…
“Fifteen," he replies.
FIFTEEN!
Oh my God! I flipped out. I began to brow beat him then with why didn't he say something? If his aunt finds out, I’d be screwed. I already had a file. That would have been disastrous. It could have affected my employment. I was focused on the consequences for me. His age was only a trigger for that.
I was less concerned about his age than what would happen to me. Trust me, this boy did not look fifteen. He was still experiencing puberty…This. This is what my mind went to. The forbidden fruit. My appetite spiked.
Poster:
Nurse Deisel
